Ways To Reconnect with Your Spouse If Something Went Wrong
Passion rages between partners at the beginning of the relationship, and lovers cannot tear themselves away from each other for a second. Over time, feelings flow into a more measured channel. But sometimes it begins to seem that a loved one has completely pulled away and stopped noticing. How to understand that there is a cause for concern?
Why Couples Disconnect with Each Other in Long-Lasting Relationships
In addition to instinctive sensations, there are still signs, so we asked psychotherapists to list them.
1. The partner does not care about the details of your life
In healthy serious relationships, people are interested in each other's life, it is not only about major events but also about trifles. If you are important to the partner, and they know that in the morning, you have an important meeting because of which you are nervous, then they will probably write and ask how everything went. If they are not mentally with you, then they will not remember your problems or will not care about them. They are no longer interested in the details of your life.
2. The partner ignores your requests or is suspended
There is nothing wrong with telling your partner what you want; they are not a telepath. But if you have to constantly ask for basic things, and the requests are ignored, perhaps the partner no longer has any interest in your relationship.
If you have a feeling that you have to beg for attention, most likely, they have lost interest in you. In a healthy relationship, a loved one always reacts positively to our desire to receive attention, support, and care. If a split has occurred in the couple, our wishes are ignored or are met with a negative response. Lack of contact does not bother the partner too much. When a person has finally lost interest in relationships, they are no longer sad and does not grieve about this, all emotions are left behind. Now they are thinking about something else.
3. You no longer argue with each other
You stay together after cheating, you don’t have any quarrels, and it seems to be like everything is fine, but it may just be the case that you no longer feel anything for each other, your relationships are “whatever.” If the disagreements between the partners each time result in screams and scandals, it may be in the unhealthy dynamics of the relationship. But the ability to argue honestly (without swearing, screaming, and self-closure) is, on the contrary, a sign of a healthy relationship. If a loved one has become so indifferent that they even stopped arguing with you, most likely, you are no longer important to them.
Yes, disputes and quarrels are not the most productive part of the relationship, but it is still the energy that we invest in them. We argue when we care and want to be seen and heard. If disputes stop, the matter may be that the partner has lost interest in the relationship.
For example, before you constantly swore over cleaning an apartment. Now the partner generally ceased to notice (and even less mention) that dirty laundry no longer fits in the basket. In other words, a loved one stopped making efforts to maintain stability in a relationship. They have already given up and are ready to leave, while you are still determined to fight.
4. You rarely have sex
At the beginning of a relationship, partners are especially passionate about their affection for each other. Psychologist Jamie Goldstein calls this the energy of a new relationship. You have butterflies in your stomach, love in your eyes, you always sit hugging on the couch and often have sex. You need to understand that the success of a relationship requires mutual interest and mutual effort
Normally, this energy begins to dissipate over time. But if kisses, hugs, and lovemaking practically leave your life - this is an alarming signal. When interest falls, the physical manifestations of sympathy disappear. If a partner has become much less likely to make physical contact after the first passion has cooled a little, this may be a sign of loss of their interest.
5. The partner has lost interest in your friends and relatives
If the relationship with them is important to you, the partner should respect this. They may not be delighted with the prospect of spending another weekend with your parents, but they will probably agree for your sake. If they began to avoid communication with your family, perhaps the relationship became indifferent to them.
Yes, we do not always want to communicate with friends and relatives of a partner, but we go for it for the sake of a loved one. If the partner is no longer ready to give in, then they no longer want to make efforts for the sake of your relationship.
Let’s now find out how to reconnect with your relationship.
How to Reconnect Emotionally with Your Partner
No magic is required, everything is extremely simple and is described below in five tips. Here are the ways to reconnect emotionally with your partner.
1. Do not sacrifice personal life
How to reconnect with your spouse? Do not sacrifice your personal life. Not in the sense that “continue to run on dates with a stable partner” since this kind of freedom is difficult to combine with serious intentions. You can blaze for each other with sincere passion, but this does not mean that the rest of your life should be dissolved in selfless adoration. Do not forget friends and relatives, do not refuse evening yoga, Saturday sessions in the spa and Sunday breakfast with your sister. Protect independence, do not drown your personality in love, do not start habits to repent and report because having lost the status single, you can still do whatever you want and when you want. It invigorates, supports self-esteem and saves relationships from routine and boredom.
2. Be honest about your feelings
How to reconnect with someone? Tell yourself the truth and only the truth: are you really happy? Are you satisfied? Physically, emotionally, mentally? Yes, this is not easy, and sometimes we are prone to sacrificial compromises, but these three points are crucial. If you are connected only by breathtaking sex, sooner or later other problems appear. If you entertain each other with a pun, but at the same time, the sex stalls on the “C grade,” the forecast is also unfavorable. Or are you comfortable with both mind and physiology, but they avoid talking about love? Obviously, this will soon cease to suit you too. The secret of strong reciprocity is in a strong and natural connection on all points; so make sure that everything is true in your relationship, or at least it’s going to. In other situations, consider ways to retreat.
3. Do not pursue or be jealous
How to reconnect with your wife? If you send text messages 24/7, call them a hundred times a day, and in general, your world revolves only around them, it's time to admit that your feelings mutate into dependence. Persecution strangles men. Such an approach will not help restrain anyone, acting exactly the opposite. Be more confident, don’t worry, they won’t go anywhere. And even if you got such a hot wife that it’s hard not to worry about this topic, convince yourself that you will be fine anyway. Disable the chase option. Once and for all. Remember that you are fine too. Let them chase you, this is much more exciting.
4. Love yourself and take care of yourself
How to reconnect with a spouse? Take a positive look at your qualities and start loving yourself right now. And if you love yourself, then take care of yourself - protect your health, go to bed on time, allow yourself a relaxing bath with bubbles, or maybe a spontaneous bachelorette party tonight. It is very important to pamper yourself, nourishing the soul outside the relationship, otherwise, you will have nothing to give.
5. Do not seek to please and adapt
How to reconnect with your partner? If you want to reconnect with your spouse you don’t have to please and adapt to them. The desire to please is based on the expectation of positive feedback: love, kindness, gratitude. However, the world is unjustifiably generous with the negative, and people will be happy to use you, recognizing the need to give themselves up without a trace. A relationship is a two-way street. Strive for a healthy balance of commitment and selfishness. And please, don’t be fooled by the fear of loneliness, agreeing to the options from the series “even if so” - this approach does not bring happiness. I am not one of those who are waiting for Ms. Perfection, but I truly believe that each of us can count on the “what you need” option.
And now, let’s talk about reconnecting with a spouse in intimacy.
Tips for Reconnecting with a Spouse in Intimacy
Users of social networks often share honest stories and ask others to share experiences on how to establish and diversify sexual relationships between partners. If you love each other, but your temperaments do not coincide, and one constantly wants sex, while the second one refuses them every now and then - you have to think about what to do and how to find a compromise. Internet users discuss how they manage to solve this problem and come to a common denominator.
1. If you need change, admit it
How to reconnect with your spouse in your intimate life. If one of you feels that they need sex more often or less than what happens between you, or if you want something else from your partner, then do not be silent. Only frankness can be the beginning of a solution to a problem and give you harmony in intimate life.
2. Scheduled love
How to reconnect with your spouse sexually? "We agreed to have sex on Tuesdays and Saturdays as if it were yoga classes or a planned shopping trip. It may seem boring, but in fact, it is unexpectedly reassuring. There are no surprises and spontaneity, but there are no nit-picks, insults and unjustified expectations." Not everyone is delighted with the idea of introducing a “planned economy” into this subtle sphere, but if the problem of mismatching temperaments is acute, then perhaps it’s worth a try.
3. In the absence of desire, there is nothing personal
How to reconnect with wife in bed? Of course, the point may be that you quarreled, and they were angry with you. It may not be. They probably just don’t want sex. Some people, whose temperament is hotter than that of a partner, admit that it was not easy for them to learn not to take the refusal of the second half in sex personally. But when they managed to do it, it helped improve the relationship.
“I realized that she doesn’t push me away, she just doesn’t want sex. And we both tried to show each other our care and affection in other areas of relationships,” says the anonymous author.
4. Masturbate
If the partner cannot give you what you need, when you need and in sufficient quantity, take everything into your own hands. Including literally. Be prepared to accept what they are capable of giving.
5. Settle for experimentation
“Often I have to compromise and agree that she just caresses me with her hand. But that also gives me relief and, frankly, I'm glad about that. She does it specifically to make me happy because she cares. When she is in the mood, I do the same for her."
If you always have to initiate a conversation with a partner and build joint plans alone, this is also a bad sign. You need to understand that mutual interest and mutual efforts are needed for a relationship to succeed.
