First Relationship After Being Widowed: General Rules
There is one common thing about a relationship in our life. We all hope that they will last forever. Even if we think about the possible ending of our relationship, the simple breakup pop-ups in our head. We rarely take into account the possibility of our partner's death. And you can understand where it's coming from. It is quite hard to imagine how you are going to start dating again after breaking up with your partner. But it's even harder to imagine starting a new relationship after the death of your partner.
Despite having doubts about the relationship after the death of your partner, sooner or later you will try to meet ladies online, as long-distance relationship after being widowed seems like the best option. But all in all, it is really hard to start the relationship after your spouse's death. And you may be in the need of certain guidelines on how to do that. So, we offer you to find out when and how to start your first relationship after being widowed. Continue reading, and you will learn the main tips on as well as the mistakes to avoid in dating after being widowed.
Dating After Partner's Death
While after a breakup you can find yourself on some website to meet women simply to avenge yourself, things are way more different when it comes to starting a new relationship after being widowed. Your dead partner is still there with you. It is quite difficult for you to imagine that you can start a new relationship, as you continue grieving. And soon, you may start asking yourself, "If there's dating after partner's death?" There is, but you need to approach it carefully.
How to Put Up With Death
The hardest part of starting dating after your spouse's death is to put up with their death. You think about the time you spent together, and you don't want to face the fact that it's gone. Then you start thinking about the things that you should have done and said but didn't, and you start feeling guilty. Because of that guilt, you get the feeling that you don't deserve to be in another relationship.
Sometimes, you fear to start a new relationship after being widowed because you are afraid that your next partner may die too, and you don't want to go through that again. But the real problem is that you don't want to admit that your partner is dead. You think that it is unfair, but you need to admit the fact that your partner is gone, and you can't bring them back. The only thing that you can do is to cherish the memory of them. You need to talk everything through with your friends and family. If that doesn't help, you should visit a shrink, and they will help you put up with your partner's death.
Is It Normal to Start a Relationship After Partner's Death?
But why do you feel so guilty when trying to start a relationship after the death of a spouse? Even if your partner was aware that they were dying and told you that they would be happy if you date afterward, you feel like you are cheating on them by starting a new relationship. Unfortunately, that's how our psychology works. We get used to our partners, and we don't want to let them go. But life goes on, and living in the memory is not enough. Sooner or later, you will feel the need to date again. And that's okay. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Yet, if you face problems by moving on, once again we advise you to get help from a shrink, who would be able to assure you that there's nothing to be ashamed of in moving on after partner's death.
Should I Continue to Wear a Ring?
That's the question that bothers a lot of men after the death of their spouses. Most men continue to wear the wedding ring after the death of their significant other, as a reminder of them. Most of the men fear that taking off the ring is the same as breaking the last connection they have with the late spouse. That's why they continue wearing it even when they decide to start looking for the next problem, which they shouldn't do.
The connection with your death spouse will not break, as you still remember them. But the ring on the finger will scare away all of your prospective partners. Most of them will not take you seriously, taking you for a married man who's looking for some sugar on the side. Even if you tell that you are widowed, the ring on your finger signifies that you are not ready to say good-bye to your late spouse, thus you are not ready for the new relationship.
How to Start Dating Again?
The main problem with starting dating is that as humans we need certain guidelines and rules to follow. But before talking about the rules of dating after your spouse's death, you need to learn a few precautions. Certain problems occur throughout dating after your spouse's death. Funny enough, the origin of those problems lies mainly in selfishness. The problem is that we expect too much from our next partner, but no one can meet our expectations. While this description may seem quite obscure, we've collected several pre-dating rules after being widowed, and we offer you to check them out to figure out what we're talking about and learn mistakes to avoid when dating after your spouse's death.
1. Your New Partner Is Not Your Late Spouse
When we start dating after being widowed, we often make a mistake of trying to find the exact copy of our late spouse. Sometimes, people are going that far as finding a partner who looks exactly like their late significant other. First of all, it means that you haven't put up with your grief. Secondly, the physical resemblance is the only thing that you are going to get. And soon you're going to be annoyed by your new partner, after realizing that except for the looks, they're nothing like your late spouse. You need to be ready that your new partner is not your late spouse, it's a new person, and you are starting a NEW relationship. Fresh start. That's the only healthy way to start dating after being widowed.
2. Your New Partner Doesn't Have to Compete with Your Late Spouse
Another problem that comes from selfishness, is when you constantly compare your new partner to your late spouse. Moreover, you may start that you're not as good as her rant. Well, in the previous point we've explained that your new partner is not your late spouse and that you are having a new relationship. In your new relationship, everything must be fresh, and your new partner mustn't live in the shadow of your late spouse. If you want to succeed in having a new relationship after being widowed, you should avoid forcing your new partner to compete with your late spouse.
3. Don't Force Your New Partner to Get to Know Your Late Spouse
Your partner may naturally ask you to get to know your late spouse better. After all, your late spouse was a great part of your life, and they are still in your memory. However, you should avoid forcing your partner to get to know your late spouse. That is the sign that you haven't let go of your past relationship, as well as the sign that you are more into making your new partner a carbon copy of your late spouse rather than getting to know your new partner better. So, it is okay to answer your new partner's questions about your late spouse, but you shouldn't force that knowledge on them.
4. They Are Not There to Relieve You From Your Grief
If you continue grieving, most likely your new partner would try their best to relieve you from your grief. But that can lead to you becoming selfish. After that, you may start continuing grieving, forgetting that you have a new relationship to develop. And your new partner will hang around for some time, before realizing you are not interested in a new relationship and moving on to find someone else. You need to remember that your partner is not there to relieve you from your grief. If they are doing that it's because of the goodwill, and you don't need to overuse it.
5. Don't Be in the Rush to Marry Again
After the breakup, we often jump on the new relationship, hoping that it will help us forget our ex. The same goes for dating after being widowed. Quite often we think that as soon as we get married again, we will no longer need to struggle to cope with the grief of losing your spouse. That doesn't work that way. You shouldn't be in the rush to marry your new partner. You should enjoy dating. As we've already mentioned above, it is a new relationship, which has nothing to do with your previous relationship, and you need to let them unfold naturally.
Dating Tips for Widows and Widowers
Now after learning all the precautions about dating after being widowed, it's finally time to learn the dating tips. We have good news for you, those tips are way simpler and easier to follow than the above-mentioned precautions, and you won't have any problems with them if you've taken into the account the precautions. So, let's check out our tips for widows and widowers without any further ado.
Take It Slow
The main question that people ask themselves when it comes to dating after being widowed is, "How long should I wait for a relationship after the death of my spouse?" It is really hard to give any advice in this case, as different people require different time frames to put up with their grief, but in general, it is better to give it a year before trying to start a new relationship after the death of your spouse. The next question we need to answer is, "What can happen if you get into a relationship too soon after being widowed?" If you start dating too soon after your significant other's death, comparing your new partner to your spouse is inevitable. And you may end up figuring out that you are not ready for a new relationship. You feel ridiculous, and your new partner is hurt.
Be Honest
You need to be honest with yourself and with your new partner. Speaking about being honest with yourself, will help you figure out whether you are ready for a new relationship or not. Speaking about being honest with your new partner, it will help you develop your relationship in a healthy way. Let's be honest, your relationship is most likely to go nowhere, if you try to pretend that you are not still grieving your late spouse and lie to your new partner. Moreover, grieving your late spouse doesn't mean that you don't love your new partner. It is okay to grieve on anniversaries or your late spouse's birthday. Just don't push it that far that your new partner feels that they are less important to you.
Learn How to Cook
More practical advice is to learn how to cook if in your marriage kitchen was your late spouse's duty. You will have to learn how to cook to feed yourself, but there is more to cooking than it seems at first glance. First of all, you may use your late spouse's cookbook, it will kinda work as a continuation of your communication. At the same time, learning how to cook will keep you busy, thus helping you put up with your grief. Moreover, it will be a good skill in your new relationship.
Be Gentle
After losing a spouse, we cannot get rid of the feeling of unfairness. As a result, we start blaming our loss on the world around us. Thus we may end up thinking that the world and our new partner owe us anything. The truth is that you can't require understanding from your new partner and forgiving you all the time because you've lost your spouse. Yes, the death of your spouse definitely can provide you with special treatment, but don't use it as a tool to influence your new partner. Just be gentle and you will attract new partners. A person who doesn't blame everyone around for their spouse's death is way more attractive than the one who acts otherwise.
Get Your Body in Shape
Last but not least, you need to get your body in shape. After the death of a spouse people often go into depression, and they stop caring for the way they look. It is natural. But when you feel that you are ready for dating again, you need to be fresh. Thus you need to visit a gym to be ready for a fresh start and a new relationship. But you don't have to wait till you ready for a new relationship, as physical activity can help you in coping with grief after the loss of your spouse. Thus, by hitting the gym, you are putting up with grief and getting your body in shape for your new relationship.
A New Beginning
After learning everything above-mentioned, you know what to do for preparing yourself for dating after being widowed. Following the rules mentioned in this article will help you put up with your grief and get ready for a new beginning. And remember that starting a new relationship is in a no way betraying your late spouse, as they like you to be happy.
