Moving in Together: the Detailed Guide for Men
You meet in the evening after work, spend a weekend together and plan a joint vacation. You feel good together, you value her merits, and her shortcomings lead you into a state of delight. The thought “why we don’t live together” takes on more and more real outlines. You begin to discuss how great it would be to wake up under one blanket every day.
But the words and deeds are far from the same: your momentary readiness to change your life may not coincide with her plans for the near future. If you date women online and start living together with one of them from the very beginning of your relationship, you should learn the art of compromise. You and she have something to lose since freedom, unwillingness to take on new obligations, a usual lifestyle and personal space are at stake. It is difficult and scary to decide on changes, especially if you or she have already had a negative experience. It may take years from the idea to start a joint venture to its implementation if you don’t openly discuss what each of you really wants. So, how to pass the test of living together with minimal losses? And how long should you date before moving in together?
When Is It Too Soon for Moving in Together?
Moving in together before marriage after some time of dating is a logical and predictable step. However, before undertaking certain obligations, it is worth making sure that both partners are ready for a new level of relationship and want to respect the relationship's needs of each other.
How long before moving in together? Well, the first sign that it is too soon to live together is the fact that relationships not yet tested by difficulties. Unfortunately, it is impossible to imagine the full life of two people without difficulties. If you have been dating for several months, and you have not had serious quarrels and disagreements, don’t think that things will be the same in the future. In stressful situations, all people tend to behave differently than usual. At the first difficulties, there is a risk that you may be disappointed in your partner.
Also, moving in together too soon, you don’t have time to discuss financial issues. Yes, talking about money is not the most pleasant topic, but it should be discussed before starting to live together. Be sure to agree on whether your budget will be shared or separate, who will buy the products and pay for utilities. If you are afraid to start this conversation or see that your partner is avoiding it in every possible way, it is definitely soon for you to live together.
Pros and Cons of Moving in Together Before Marriage
Lovers tend to spend as much time as possible together to get to know each other better. Counting on a long-term relationship and, possibly, on creating a family in the future, the couple often decides to move in together. But is it worth it?
Pros
Everyday issues. This is a definite plus because it makes you understand what your person is in everyday life. Moving in together, you get to know her better and see how she likes to spend time at home and what to do. Scientists believe that this is what allows lovers to get closer spiritually.
The two of you are one. Now society will accept you as one, be prepared for this. If guests come to you, then you will meet them together. Sometimes it plays as a formality, but it is worth taking the initiative in your own hands and establishing such a rule. This is a great reason to formulate general family rules.
Lack of commitment. A couple moving in together doesn’t owe anything to each other. This can be a great springboard in the development of your relationship. If after the wedding, you suddenly realize that living with this person is unbearable, then everything will be much more difficult to finish.
Together forever. This is one of the main advantages. Moving in together after a year, now you don’t need to run on dates to meet, you are now always together. A loved one is waiting at home, she will support you, share dinner with you and watch your favorite movie. Also, don’t forget about sexual life, which will be positively improved due to this.
Cons
Such relationships are not long-term. Those who believe that they live together to better understand each other are a little mistaken. It has been proven that most couples who just live together and don’t marry, break up because they have no legal or religious obligations.
Uncertainty. This is another disadvantage of living together before marriage. Moving in together after 3 months, couples can’t fully enjoy life because they are not sure about their future together. They don’t know for sure whether they will continue to live together or not.
Waiting for marriage. For many people, living together before marriage is the approximation of family life. This often leads to disappointment when there is no proposal.
Partners don’t open to each other. Although cohabitation before marriage shows common habits of partners and their characters, on the other hand, it can’t give a complete picture of the person. After all, people may not want to fully open themselves. Some couples may need many years before they understand each other.
Moving in Together: A Quiz
The dream came true – you began to live with your loved one. And here it is – happiness. But not everything is so simple. An unforgettable time of first meetings and long-awaited dates passes unnoticed. When you decide to live together, everyday activities and worries that you previously did easily and without thinking, you have to share with a partner now, and it gradually interferes in the euphoria of living together. What are the questions to ask before moving in together?
1. How do you both feel about it?
This may seem like a rather strange question for those who have already decided to live together. But are your motives the same? For each partner, living together can mean something different. For someone, this is a natural stage before the wedding. And for others, it’s just a step in a relationship, without any plans for the future.
2. What do you expect from your loved one?
This may seem obvious – love, joy, tenderness, care... But if you look at the details, then for each of you, all these general wishes will acquire very specific features. Therefore, without hesitation, get used to talking about your needs, desires, dreams, and expectations and listen very carefully to the other: the more clearly you understand each other in this regard, the less confusion and unpleasant surprises you will face.
3. Do you trust your soulmate?
This is the third question in moving in together quiz. Are you going to keep unconditional fidelity to each other, or will other options be possible in your couple? What happens if one of you breaks the general agreement? And in general, to what extent can you rely on each other in different life situations? And when can you show condescension to each other’s weaknesses? Before deciding on a life together, the answers to these questions should be clear to both of you.
4. How do we plan household chores, shopping, and food?
Come up with moving in together checklist. Some of the most important issues always relate to household chores, and it would be nice to immediately determine who wants to do what. As long as you share the responsibilities, it will be easier for both partners. You can also make a routine schedule indicating individual responsibilities.
5. What about personal space?
Nobody wants to cause trouble to a partner. To reduce the effect of surprise, you can make small rules on the issue of personal space. Perhaps one of you is spontaneous, while the other has everything planned out for a week. In this case, you should agree on when and how you will negotiate with each other.
Useful Tips for Moving in Together with Your Girlfriend
Living together with a girl can bring a lot of pleasant bonuses – it is both fun and pleasant. However, once you start living together, getting back to a past life becomes more difficult. So, to do everything right, follow moving in together advice.
1. Make a plan for the case of breaking up
Just don’t say that you will always be together, and your breakup is simply impossible. Unfortunately, anything is possible in a relationship between two people. Therefore (just in case!), before moving in together, discuss all options for the development of further events. Discuss not only such things as who will throw out the trash and walk the dog but also about how you will solve problems if one of you wants to leave.
2. Solve all financial issues at once
Talk about all financial matters in advance – this is one of the obvious tips for moving in together. You must fairly distribute the budget for a rented apartment, food, and other expenses. Remember that it is not necessary to adhere to the principle of 50 to 50. The main thing is that each of you is comfortable, otherwise, one will begin to accuse the other of stinginess or, conversely, financial irresponsibility.
3. Don’t expect something unusual
Two adults who decide to live together have their ideas about how and what to do correctly. If your parents never shouted at each other, and your dad prepared breakfast for everyone every Sunday, don’t think that your potential family should be exactly the same. Treat your new life as a researcher: observe and draw leisurely conclusions.
4. Disputes don’t really matter
Remember that conflicts are an integral part of almost any relationship. The best way to resolve disagreements will be honest and positive communication with each other. Try to show more understanding and be more open yourself – this is one of the most important tips for couples moving in together. Well, don’t worry about anything. After all, all you need is her.
Don’t hope that you will immediately be able to change your partner when you start living together and instill in her the necessary (in your opinion) habits. It is worth discarding illusions, forgetting your ideas about perfect relationships and look at things soberly. The real life is not only to wrap in a blanket to watch your favorite TV show in each other’s arms but also hard work.
