How to stay friends with an ex

Being in a relationship is a demanding and challenging period of time. Some people say that starting to date someone is quite hard especially if you have never done it before because of the fact any relationship demands a complete trust in your other half. Besides, every relationship is about reliance on somebody which is often more complicated than it seems at first. Due to the difficulties occurring while being in a relationship, it’s almost always detrimental and harmful when you and your love both decide it’s time to split up. A breakup is difficult to survive.

You lose the support of your ex, which is why it is so hard, especially if you were friends before you started dating. This article will help you determine if you are ready to stay friends with your ex and how to establish a platonic friendship with him or her.

how to stay friends with an ex

Stay friends after breakup: is it really possible?

Any relationship can end in either a walk down to the aisle or parting. In the first case, everything is clear. And in the second? Quite often people try to stay friends with an ex, but in 95 percent of cases, this is that sort of relationship in which you are more likely to be mates than friends. Why is it so difficult, how to stay friends with an ex if it’s ever possible, and what happens to people after a breakup? To begin with, we will try to make a list of the main reasons why people try to stay friends after breakup.

  • They have many common themes. Joint memories, interests - people want to experience it all over again. But personal insults quickly cross out the desire to communicate.
  • It is necessary. You are decent people, and decent people stay friends.
  • The desire to keep a person in the vicinity and jealous.
  • It is convenient, there is no need to change the old circle of friends.

We are not psychologists and taking into consideration that all couples are different, there is no univocal answer to give when trying to figure out if it’s possible to be friends after relationship ends, but there are some cases why staying friends can be difficult and in some way impossible.

You saw each other naked

You think that this is a completely meaningless reason, you never know who saw you naked! But how many of these people made love with you? It is extremely difficult to return normal relations with a person whom you saw naked. It was already a different level of relationship. Let’s be blunt: you saw her breasts up close, you know what her ass looks like and if there is cellulite on it. You know how she smells, and most importantly, how she behaves during sex. And you can easily reject all this? The more sensitive you are, the less likely you are to "stay friends."


Even if you both found a new love of all life, it’s a shame that your ex found someone better than you and no longer belongs to you. You may not be aware of this in the mind, but it will put pressure on you on a subconscious level. You cannot calmly watch how the ex found her new love. Even if a lot of time has passed. It is unpleasant. And then the following nonsense comes out: you do not wish love your ex-girlfriend. You want your relationship to be something special, so that over the years she will say, “Only with him I had a true love, I won’t love anyone else.” But this happens very rarely.

stay friends after breakupMost likely, she will love someone after you and even stronger. And maybe more than once. And if a personal insult comes into action, then no matter how you try to pretend you’re a right-minded person, and no matter how much you deny the insult, you sincerely don’t want her personal happiness. Careers, buns, lost weight - with pleasure, personal happiness- alas, no.

There may still be passion between you

Unless, of course, its absence caused the breakup. There was once chemistry between you, yes? You have excited each other, so why not repeat this in another break-up sex? Oh, yes, break-up sex... We do not recommend you to do this unless you want to feel all the bitterness of parting again.

The ex hampers to go forward

They inhibit you and return to the mistakes of the past. The easiest way to stay friends is to forgive each other, and the best way to forgive is to forget. Then a few years later both of you, happen to meet somewhere, without any hint of embarrassment can say “Hello” to each other. The constant presence of the former in your contacts prevents you from going further, meeting new people and getting something new. Be mature, do not build castles in the air, because, along with pleasant memories, there is jealousy, bitterness, guilt. And how to just be friends after that?

How to stay friends with someone you love

Some may say that when a romantic relationship comes to a standstill, there is nothing more stupid than to say: "Let's stay friends." Such a naive hope that two lovers can forget about their former passion. This is a lie and hypocrisy. People tend to lie to themselves, so most often they agree to stay friends. But this is equivalent to the kiss of Judas, when they hurt you but disguise themselves as a blessing. However, you can truly stay friends only in one case. When passion is gone, but trust and respect are still great. But there are opposite situations when after splitting up you suddenly realize that you still have feelings for your ex. So, how to stay friends with an ex you still love when she just wants to stay friends?

Accept the reason for separation

Before you think about friendship with the former, you need to deal with the cause of separation. If you were the initiator of the breakup, then no special problems with this will arise. You just need to stay positive, polite and cold. But if the initiator of the breakup was a girl, then before moving on to friendship, you need to resolve the cause of the conflict. It is frivolous to offer friendship to a girl who refused you. So, only when you can communicate with the former girl, you can move on to friendship.

Give your ex some time

No one says that a parted couple will immediately turn into friends. For all emotions to subside and cool down, time is needed. During this period, she will have time to understand that everything is over, she will have time to forgive you and will begin a new life. Do not be tempted to meet for a friendly coffee or movie immediately after breaking up and quarreling. No need to pursue her like a maniac from thrillers.

Be a true friend

Remember that if you really want to have a true friendship with your ex, then you really should be her friend. This means that you must have time to listen to her. Being a friend means talking to her about her new guys and your girls. If you have no desire to chat on these topics, then, perhaps, it is better to keep silence on some issues.

Do men ever just want to be friends with a woman?

It seems almost everything is known about friendship. Only the phenomenon of friendship between a man and a woman remains unexplained by British and other serious scientists. In other words, can guys and girls be just friends or can a married man and a woman be just friends? There is a male point of view which says that you can be friends with a woman. But under certain conditions.

1. You can be friends with an ugly woman. Your brain will wriggle out of the sexual overtones of communication, and you will be able to communicate with her almost freely. She will laugh at your jokes, touch her hair, lick her lips. It will not touch you. At least while you are sober.

can guys and girls be just friends2. You can be friends with unattractive women. It may seem that ugly and unattractive are one and the same. Not really. There are some girls who can be considered quite beautiful in the classical sense. But they do not attract sexually. The reasons may be different. The result is always the same - a woman is beautiful, but not sexy. You can be friends with her, yes.

3. Relatives. Well, incest is not an option at all. So, there is nothing to even comment on.

What’s about the rest? You communicate with them, sort of like friends. But the situation always remains slightly ambiguous. That is, you even in thoughts do not allow yourself to think about her in a romantic way. But at the same time, if you were alone on an uninhabited island, for instance ... And if you happen to be the last person on earth ... Well, then, the devil knows! And yet this friendship exists. We are adults, developed and cultural. Accordingly, we are fully capable of controlling these blunt natural instincts. We are above it. And we can honestly carry on unhurried conversations about distracted things even in those moments when no one is looking at us.

Ex wants to stay friends: how to manage it

As a rule, when we part with our former lovers, we pledge ourselves to remain in good relations, to keep in touch, not to get lost, to come when they need help, and in general when we break off relations we honestly going to stay friends and ... stop talking at all.

On the contrary, it happens that your ex, in a certain period after your breakup, suggests you to be friends. On the one hand, you understand that you used to be close people and share a lot of things, besides, you are not willing to quarrel again which may happen if you refuse her or his good intentions of staying friends. On the other hand, all is gone now and what’s the reason in communicating and why on earth have they come to this decision right now? In a nutshell, what to do when she just wants to stay friends or how to tell a girl you just want to be friends?

Scientists say that a woman wants to be friends with the former because she still hopes. A man - because he hopes for sex. The hidden motives for which people want to remain friends with the exes differ fundamentally for men and women. While the woman who wants to be friends is usually unable to realize that the affair is over and it’s time to move on, the man looks at the situation without illusions and wants to be friends solely for the sake of satisfying his sexual needs.

Experts say that with the greatest caution should be treated those who insist on maintaining a friendly connection. The zeal of a man to turn into your "girlfriend", to minimize the already tiny distance is a sign of narcissism. One of the main signs of narcissism is a pronounced sense of possessiveness. To split up? To let go? No, this is mine! You must admit that it is not too pleasant to fully belong to someone when living in a free country.

Another option is that your ex is a psychopath. Yes, yes, that happens too. Psychopaths are also proprietors, although unlike narcissuses, their possessiveness gets along with a painful attachment to the other partner, unfounded jealousy, attacks of aggression or bouts of despondency, so most likely, agreeing to friendship with the psychopath, you doom yourself to endless tantrums which over time will only increase.

With women, it’s a little different. Often, their need for friendship with the former is a result of deep emotional affection. They, especially if the feelings have not yet died away, are happy to accept the new rules “now we are friends” for one reason only: it seems to them that if the ex-boyfriend remains in sight, sooner or later he will return. So, the easiest way to forget the one you still love is to run as fast and far as possible.

And yet, even considering the research of scientists, one should not think that your ex immediately becomes mortally dangerous, by no means. A warm relationship - why not? We live in a civilized world, polite parting is now in fashion, especially if you were tied not just by romantic relationships but by years of marriage or even children. The main thing is not to strive for rapprochement, and though it’s considered by many that friendship between a man and a woman doesn’t exist, we still believe that there are exceptions to the rule, so it’s up to you whether to stay friends after breakup or not.

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