Tips to Fight Resentment in Marriage and Longlasting Relationships

Have you ever heard about resentment in a relationship? If you are just trying to meet a single girl online, then you probably don't need this knowledge yet. But still, what is resentment in a relationship? Resentment is a feeling of dissatisfaction and mistreatment that develops very slowly. In the majority of cases, it never appears spontaneously in one day but grows in the background of your relationship. However, it will be very useful to know about this aspect of long-term relationships. After all, when you are searching for a partner, you search for someone with whom you will spend the rest of your life.

You need to understand that, even though, resentment builds very slowly, most frequently, people don't see this as a problem until it is too late. It feels like carrying extra weight in a long-term relationship and when love turns to resentment, both partners continue to carry this weight until it becomes too heavy. When this happens, they both see breakups as the only solution to all their problems. Surely, this is definitely not the best solution. This is why when you are in a serious relationship, you and your partner both need to learn how to let go of resentment. Thus, you will avoid having a false sense of superiority it gives you.

Resentment and Boredom: Is There a Connection?

Even though boredom is the worst enemy of a happy romantic relationship, it doesn't directly affect or causes resentment. Anger and resentment in marriage, as well as boredom, may indirectly create an enabling environment for resentment. For example, when both partners are bored in their relationship, they subconsciously start searching for new emotions, and not necessarily those emotions should be positive ones. Thus, they may start fights and quarrels. During those, it is very easy to offend each other. This is when partners may feel that they both were treated unfairly by each other, and this is the main trigger for resentment.

Consequently, both boredom and resentment are interrelated to each other. One problem may increase another one. When it rains, it pours, right? This is just about this case. Thus, even though all problems in a relationship are connected, every single one requires a special approach to its treatment. So, yes, for example, by searching for new double date ideas, you will easily deal with boredom. However, it won't help you against resentment because apart from quarrels caused by boredom, resentment has different root-reasons to exist and has different consequences. Generally, if you see that you have these two problems in your romantic relationship, it is normal if you are working on them at the same time.

Main Signs of Resentment in Marriage and Long-Lasting Relationship

As we have said before, sometimes couples don't understand that their unpleasant quarrels are results of resentment in their relationships. Unfortunately, in this case, they can only hope that their love and emotional ties are stronger than the impact of resentment. If you suspect that your relationship is infected by resentment, you need to know for sure because different problems require different solutions. Today, we are going to share with you the top 5 clearest signs of resentment in marriage and long-lasting relationships. We hope that this will help you detect the main source of evil in your relationship.

1. It seems that your partner never listens to you

Normally, when one partner does something wrong, then another one tells him or her where their mistake was, and he or she never repeats it again. Unfortunately, sometimes, this doesn't work that way. For example, you expect that your partner will immediately understand his or her mistake and will never make it again. But he or she, for whatever reason, constantly repeats it. In this case, it may seem that your partner never listens to you or even constantly ignores you. Of course, there can be plenty of reasons for that, but one of the worst ones is that your partner does this intentionally because of the resentment.

2. You are not interested in each other anymore

One of the main peculiarities of healthy romantic relationships is that partners who are happy together always remain interested in each other. Their relationship passes various stages and encounters different problems, but they always are interested in being together. In turn, if your relationship is affected by resentment, with time, you won't be interested in your partner at all. Also, his or her value in your eyes will reduce dramatically too. It is impossible to maintain the spark and attraction between you if you constantly quarrel and live in a state of confrontation. The same goes for cases when partners avoid physical contacts in their relationships.

3. You constantly find new faults in each other

Without a single doubt, the longer your relationship lasts, the more unpleasant things you will know about your partner. For example, you will learn that she likes to eat at night, or that he snores like an ogre. It is obvious that, normally, those factors alone can't damage a relationship. But, when it comes to resentment, those will seem like a real nightmare. Instead of approaching them as a topic for nice and gentle jokes, you will see even the smallest faults of your partner as a real nightmare. Eventually, you will begin to believe that your partner is incapable and can't do anything right.

4. You feel hopeless

When partners who have a healthy relationship encounter a problem, they always know that they will fix it. Even when they have serious and unpleasant quarrels, they never think about breaking up. Unfortunately, when resentment appears in a relationship, everything changes very drastically. For example, your desire to celebrate milestones like promotions and anniversaries may decrease. This is because, due to resentment, you don't feel connected. Therefore, your partner's victories don't make you happy. In short, you both will become cooler. Instead of resolving problems, you will avoid them. This will happen because you both won't want to invest your effort into a "lost cause."

5. You don’t even try to resolve your problems

Over time, you will notice that you both have become very tired of your conflicts. Unfortunately, in the case of resentment in a relationship, when partners get tired of conflicts, they tend to avoid them instead of resolving them. As a result, they accumulate those conflicts in a relationship. When a couple finally has a quarrel about all those conflicts, it becomes very emotional and absolutely not effective because you simply can't find answers to so many questions at once. Therefore, we can say that if partners don't understand at this point that they can't effectively resolve their conflicts, and need help, they will break up eventually.

Sources of Anger and Resentment in Marriage

Overcoming resentment in marriage can be very challenging, and not because people naturally can't do it, but because these problems involve a whole bunch of various factors. To fix this problem in your marriage or relationship, you will have to work with all those factors simultaneously. Plus, you can't do it alone without your partner. Remember, both partners are responsible for problems in their relationship. Thus, only together, they can deal with them. So, what causes resentment in a relationship, and what are the main sources of anger in marriage?

To begin with, we want to discuss with you the most important aspect that allows people to build happy and healthy romantic relationships. Yes, we are talking about communication. You see, when you decide to be with someone, you must understand that you are two different people. Due to this fact, you will have many disagreements and problems in your relationship. Generally, the best way to resolve everything is to communicate with your partner. Consequently, you won't be able to build a healthy romantic relationship if you are not investing enough effort into establishing communication with your partner. In this case, you won't be able to discuss your problems and work on them together.

Of course, even if you can communicate with your partner, you may destroy everything with your anger. Even in the healthiest relationships in the world, partners get angry with each other from time to time. As you have guessed, if you can't deal with your anger, it will ruin everything that you have built. The ability to observe your anger is crucial for happily living with other people. Also, forget about venting because it is the worst strategy when it comes to eliminating your anger. Venting can only spread the toxicity around and will lead to more drama. Instead, try other methods and techniques until you find the most effective ones for you. Additionally, we are going to list three more sources of anger and resentment in your relationship.

1. Unrealistic expectations and desires

It is crucial to have adequate desires and expectations when you decide to marry someone. Otherwise, you might feel that your partner is not giving enough to your relationship as you have expected. In turn, he or she will think the same about your effort and investment in your relationship. This creates a very rich soil in which anger grows very fast.

2. Inability to forgive

Yes, forgiving your romantic partner for his or her mistakes is easier said than done. But it is crucial to learn how to let go of the past. You must understand that no matter how strongly you love each other, you both will make mistakes, but you should never let those mistakes serve as a source of resentment in your relationship or marriage.

3. Taking each other for granted

The majority of couples with problems confess that partners used to take each other for granted. Hence, both partners simply can't notice the efforts they put in daily to make their marriage work. As a result, those couples accumulate negative energy, and it seems for both partners that the other one is not grateful enough.

Tips for Overcoming Resentment in Marriage

Finally, we have come to the most interesting part of this article when we are going to share with you the best 5 ways to overcome resentment in your relationship. You will be happy to know that our tips will also help you resolve other problems that your couple may have too. After all, all problems in a romantic relationship are connected, and by dealing with one, you will start dealing with them all simultaneously. Remember, you will need time to change something in your relationship. So, be persistent and don't rush things. So, how to deal with resentment in a relationship?

1. Be honest

How can you possibly expect to have an effective discussion if you are not honest with each other? Hence, your first step is to learn how to be honest with your partner. However, you should never be condescending or rude when you are talking about things that truly hurt you. Try to be very polite but frank. You don't need a confrontation. Your task is to make sure that your partner understands you.

2. Don’t forget to apologize

If you see that you have been wrong about something, never neglect an opportunity or hesitate to apologize. It is okay to be wrong, but only if you are doing something about it. Resenting someone if they haven't done anything wrong is very bad for your relationship.

3. Don’t bring up issues from the past

The past should remain in the past. Bringing up old issues to resolve current problems never works. It only makes things worse because instead of focusing on the current issue, you will be talking about a thing that should have been forgotten a long time ago. In this case, there will be no hiding from painful accusations.

4. Don’t avoid physical intimacy

Surely, when you feel angry with your partner, you don't even think about holding hands and hugging each other. However, you need to know that physical intimacy can tear down a resentment in no time. Hence, when you both feel angry, accidentally ask your partner to have a hug with you. Don't react with more anger if he or she refuses. Instead, ask again and say that you really need it.

5. Be committed to your partner

To begin with, try to keep your promises. Never dismiss even the smallest promises because those may matter a lot to your partner. Small disappointments serve as a very nice source of resentment. So, don't promise something that you are not going to fulfill and don't betray your partner in any other way.

If, after reading this article, you have found that your relationship is infected with resentment, you must understand that it can creep even into the healthiest relationships. Actually, now you have an advantage because you can nip this problem in the bud. Hence, don't fear to discuss this issue with your partner. After all, you will have to act like a team to deal with this problem. Carefully listen to what your partner will be telling you because he or she may also have a lot of things to discuss. Give your partner this opportunity, and don't forget to remain calm even if he or she shares the painful truth.

So, how to fix resentment in a marriage? In short, you will need to learn three main things. The first thing is that you must learn to deal with your anger in the right way. The second thing is that you must establish healthy communication. And, finally, the third thing is that you must learn to respect each other and never take each other for granted. As you can see, the main algorithm is very simple, and this article is only your first step towards eliminating the resentment in your relationship. Feel free to search for the most effective and appropriate ways to fulfill these three tasks, and your relationship will last very long and will bring you happiness.