Getting Over Infidelity: A Full Guide
What is the thought you have when you start dating someone? Right, you think that you are going to be together forever, and that nothing is ever going to stand in between you. Even when you think about all the possible things that may happen to your relationship, the last thing you want to consider is your partner being unfaithful to you. No matter how ridiculous it may sound, but for most people imagining their partner dying in a car accident is way easier than thinking about him or her cheating on them. And you can see where it's coming from.
When your partner dies, grief is all that’s left. You are left to your own devices in figuring out how to continue living. But when your partner has cheated on you, you are most likely to go through a lot of unpleasant conversations, figuring out what you are to do. You are twisted around thinking whether you should forgive your partner or end your relationship. Overcoming infidelity is one of the hardest things to do. A lot of people think that it is impossible. So, today we are going to figure out if getting over infidelity is possible. And if it is – figure out the ways to overcome it.
Is It Possible To Get Over Infidelity?
The very first question that pops up in your mind after realizing that your partner has cheated on you is “Can you get over infidelity?" Of course, infidelity can destroy even the strongest relationship, as it awakes the fusion of anger and guilt. You are angry, as you think that your partner had enjoyed some sugar on the side. Of course, you feel betrayed, as you can't be sure about the reasons why your partner decided to cheat on you. Especially, when your relationship seemed like a perfect one. Then you start having doubts which make you think that your relationship might not have been that perfect. Have you been that great partner? Thus comes the guilt, which can be one of the devices to get over infidelity, although it's not the best choice.
So, is it possible to get over infidelity? Yes it is difficult, as according to the study conducted by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, only 25% of marriages that experience infidelity manage to get over it. It won't be possible without the support of your families and friends. A consultation with a shrink would be a nice addition to coping with infidelity. And you're definitely not going to get over infidelity without talking it all over.
Although it's only a peak of an iceberg, but, as you can see, overcoming your spouse's infidelity is difficult but far from being impossible. If you value your relationship and cherish all the good things that you had together, instead of concentrating on how bad you feel after your partner cheated on you, there is a possibility for you to join those 25% of couples who manage to overcome infidelity and stay together. But there is definitely more information you need to know on how to get over infidelity, which we offer you to check out without further ado.
How to Get Over Infidelity and Stay Together?
There are thousands of wives wondering how to get over husband's infidelity. There are also thousands of husbands who seemingly can't get over wife's infidelity. Definitely nothing can strike one more than spouse's infidelity. Infidelity can easily destroy your sense of self and trust, as well as undermining the whole idea of relationship and marriage. In certain cases, those who have been cheated on lose their sanity. You get overly emotional upon learning about your partner's unfaithfulness. And one of the first wishes that you can have is to end your relationship as soon as possible. But you need to be careful with that, as emotions do change with time. You may break up and then realize that you could have saved your relationship. But first you need to get over the pain that you feel after learning about your partner's cheating. How to get over infidelity pain? Unfortunately, the only way to overcome it is to give it enough time. And if you manage to overcome it, you can figure out ways to get over infidelity.
1. Start Talking It Over
You need to discuss your relationship and your partner's unfaithfulness. You need to find out what led to your partner's infidelity and how deep he or she is in the affair. Be ready that you may be the reason behind your partner's adultery. You might have been not attentive enough. You might have been not caring enough. You need to listen to it and be ready to accept your partner's view. Mind that both of you need to be willing to discuss it. Otherwise your conversation will make no sense.
2. Get Tested for STDs
You and your partner need to get tested for STDs. Especially if your partner had just a one night stand. Even using a condom doesn't guarantee a 100% safety, so you need to get tested in order to make sure that both of you are healthy. Otherwise, the whole idea of trying to save your relationship may be under a great threat.
3. Check Out Your Legal Rights
Even if you are more into staying together, you need to check out your legal rights. Mind that the betrayed spouse should always check out their rights and consider potential separation. Especially when you have children. You need to think about whom they are going to stay with.
4. Reach Out For Help
As we've already stated, you need to reach out for the help of your friends, family, and possibly a shrink. That's how to get over infidelity in a relationship. If it is extremely difficult for you to make your own decision, you need to seek out advice from your friends and relatives. Couple's therapy is also a good variant, if you are both eager to save your relationship, but don't know where to start. A shrink can give you the right direction in which you should move.
5. Make Promises
If you are willing to save your relationship, you need to make promises to each other. If you are willing to save your relationship, you need to let each other know about each other's whereabouts. While you may think that only the partner who was unfaithful needs to inform you about his or her whereabouts, if you want to save your relationship, you need to show that you are not going to have any secrets from him or her as well. That's why you need to let each other know about your whereabouts. That's how to get over infidelity and move on.
6. Trust Your Feelings and Observations
While you may think that it's unfair, you need to trust your own feelings and observations in order to make sure that your partner is faithful to you. If you separated for awhile and you see that your partner is cutting your couple's therapy, then you shouldn't trust that things are getting better.
7. Forgive
If everything goes well and you are feeling that things are going better, you need to do the hardest part. If you are sure that you can save the relationship and that your relationship worth it, you need to ask yourself again – can you get over infidelity. And if you think that you can, then you should forgive your partner and start over again. That's how to get over infidelity and move on in your relationship.
How Long Does It Take to Get Over Infidelity in a Marriage?
Another important question that bothers people who are trying to get over infidelity is – how long does it take? While most of the experts agree that it may take you from year to two, no one can tell you exactly how long it takes. Of course, upon hearing that getting over infidelity may take you two years, you are most likely to give up, but there is no real reason for that. You need to understand that no one can give you the exact time. No one would set you that timer that says "You'll overcome infidelity in your marriage in 2 years 23 days 16 hours 24 minutes and 13 seconds." That's impossible to measure the time exactly. But there is one thing that you can be sure of. If you are working on getting over infidelity, it may take you much less time. While a year or two is considered the most common time it takes to overcome your partner's infidelity, there are definitely examples where couple's managed to get over it in six months or less. So, it is better to focus on what you can do to get over it rather than think how long it would take you.
What to Do When You Can't Get Over Infidelity?
There may be several reasons why you can't get over your partner's infidelity.
One of the reasons is that your partner wasn't just having a one night stand but was cheating on you emotionally. Emotional cheating doesn't really involve having an affair and it is hard to deal with it. How to get over emotional infidelity when you are not that important to your partner? Emotional cheating means that your partner is emotionally involved with anyone else but you. The only thing that you can do is to break up with your partner. Other reasons may include being at the early stages of dealing with infidelity – in this case you just need to give it more time. Another reason may lie in the fact that you are not communicating properly. If you stopped talking to each other, it's a bad sign, and you need to return to discussing your issues as soon as possible. Otherwise, you won't be able to get over infidelity and save your relationship.
